Composing fears

Ever since I started pursuing composition professionally, I have become increasingly fearful of writing and it has gotten to the point to where it seriously affects my output. It’s not that I don’t like writing, I do. But I feel so pressured to write a lot and write well that I often do none of that.

This is probably a very common one among artists in general but there is always the worry of “Will I find work and will it pay well?”. I briefly entertained the idea of freelancing as a composer. Unfortunately, I found that freelance websites often had customers that couldn’t be bothered to write a professional post and many didn’t pay well. The ones that were written well and paid well could be assured to already have 50+ people applied to. The entire internet itself is flooded with composers everywhere.

Local opportunities are less flooded but it is still difficult to find work. Media groups are looking for electronic producers, not classically trained composers. There are also even more producers than just composers and electronic production just isn’t my strong suit.

And finally, with this huge mass of competition, I fear that I will never garner enough attention to gain any kind of audience. There are a bajillion other composers and producers out there doing some great work. How am I going to find my own place?

At this point, it has been almost two years since I have frequently uploaded to my SoundCloud. I have written several things but most haven’t even seen preview among my closest friends. I am certain that my future is in composition but until my worries are alleviated, I am going be struggling.

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